Thoughts on Possessions

You know, it's interesting that this immense economic panic is hitting America just as I am packing all my belongings into boxes for a move to Portland. Even as fear creeps across our nation and my own thoughts turn to my financial outlook over the next few years, the very act of packing presents a sort of moral slap to the face.

Let me elaborate. So far I have packed:

- Two boxes of books
- One box of various electronics (game systems, sound recording equipment, stuff for my laptop, etc)
- One large box of kitchen stuff (glasses, mugs, pots, pans, spatulas, etc)
- One box of school supplies and financial records
- Three other boxes of various items

Eight boxes. And I haven't even packed clothes yet. Oh, and I didn't mention my guitars, or my longboard, or my bed, or my dresser, or my bookshelf, or my TV table, or my card table, or my folding chairs.

I'm 19 years old, single, without dependents (in fact, I am a financial dependent). And I posses more stuff than many entire families do. This begs the question: Do I really need any of this?

The obvious answer is "No". In fact, I don't even need a tenth of it all.

About once a year for the last couple of years, I've tried to make a point of purging my possessions -- of giving away or getting rid of the things that I don't use, the things that I have just to have, the clothes I own but never wear. But even with such an effort, the focus is always on me. What don't I wear? What don't I need? I may be giving, but my giving is dictated by my own conception of my "needs". The effort to escape greed is ultimately ruled by selfishness.

That's why the coming economic trouble -- even if it frightens me a little -- excites me at the same time. Here is a priceless opportunity, an opportunity to stretch the limits of my comfort zone, to redefine my "needs". It is an opportunity to revive the heart of my halfhearted attempts at generosity. They say you haven't really given anything unless it hurts. Here is the real test: Can I still give when I feel I have nothing left to give away? Can I move outside of my American heritage of conspicuous consumption and embrace a lifestyle that is not about "making it" or "success" but instead focuses on what I can contribute to those around me, and those around the world? Can I give up the pursuit of myself for the sake of others?

These questions seem abstract right now, but if things continue as they are, the economy may soon turn these intangible questions into very concrete day-to-day decisions. I ask myself, honestly, if I think I will change -- if I think I can handle the challenge of being generous in the midst of changing definitions of need.

Honestly, I don't think I'm up to it.

But God, I want to be.